Something We All Lost Over Time

I haven't written on my blog for so long. I think it is time to write something new.

Last year, I tried to google one of my junior high school classmate and I was so excited to find her. Well, if you had a chance to read my one of my blogs called "Turning Point of My Life", you would know who I am talking about.

I emailed her immediately and anxiously waited her to reply. When she replied my email, I was so excited. Yes, she is the person I am looking for.

I asked her about her life in general and other stuff. I found that she changed a lot. Well, she is still the same in many ways, but there is something missing, her ambition. From my memory, she was very ambitious as far as setting her goal. (Well, I should not call someone who has ability to reach his goal ambitious.)

Then, I suddenly realized that she is not the only one who lost it.

When do we all stop dreaming?

Something to Ponder.

Right now we are traveling about 900 miles per hours with earth (if your location is closer to the equator, you will travel faster). If someone stops earth from rotating, we will hit the wall in front of us with 900 miles per hours and become meat balls.

UCDVTH internship

I am being lazy again. I didn't have time to write so I just copied what I wrote two years ago and pasted it here. I wrote this paper for my Small Animal Radiology Internship in the UC Davis Veterinary Teaching Hospital. This is just part of it. I add a note in the end.

There are several interesting activities that worth mentioning. Once a vet student who took me to the other side of vet hospital. There I saw several large animals in the intense care. We have to get inside the facility with boots on so we won't carry their diseases to other animals. I saw a “donor” cow that has a large opening on left side of his body with a cover on top of it. Vet student told me some cow did not have enough bacteria in their stomach to help them to digest grass. In that case, they would just open the cover of the donor cow and scope up some bacteria from his stomach and put into the other cow’s body. Wow. That was something.

During the internship, I also had a chance to follow a tour in the hospital. A retired vet told me that cat’s blood is unlike dog’s blood, which can be stored in the certain environment. Cat’s blood cannot be used any more if it left a cat’s body for some time. Therefore, they have “blood donor” cats. Those cats have tubes attached on them all the time and they live in the hospital. Whenever a sick cat needs the blood, vets would just directly attach sick cat to the one end of the tube and donor cat at the other. After they pull the blood out of the donor cat, they can directly push blood into the sick cat. Amazing!

Note: I wonder what makes a cat a "donor" cat, the other a "receiver" cat. I mean they both are cats, but one has to stay in the cold cage inside the UCDVTH and frequently donates its blood to other cat while the other has privilege of getting the best medical treatment. The only difference between the two is that one is loved by someone, the other is not. However, just because no one love the donor cats doesn't mean they are inferior. Their value as a cat doesn't change at all. In fact, if anything, donor cats should be superior since they saved other cats by donating their blood. I mean how many cats got to do that in their life time. Anyway, I believe that all cats are created equally. And, we should apply this understanding to human being as well!

ER internship

I initially wrote this short paper for my ER internship. I post it here so I can share my experience with you.

I still remembered that day was like any other day. I was helping others moving around the stuff. Then, I heard the speaker announced, “We have a Code Blue!” Before I arrived the fast track which was located at the front side of emergency room, there were a least ten medical stuffs waiting outside of the room 3. Then, I heard the sound of the ambulance. Here he came, an 80 years male lied on the bed and breathed the oxygen from the oxygen tank. At the first glace, I didn’t know what kind of problem he had because he didn’t have any visible injury. Then, I overheard the doctor said the patients’ heart was not beating. While I slowly recognized the severity of situation, all the medical stuffs already started to work. They cut his clothes and took them away. Then, they attached tubes and small electrodes on his body and prepared to give him electrical shock. While all of this was going on, one nurse was doing CPR to the patient. Then, they took the picture of his chest x ray. And, they shock him several times. Almost half an hour has passed, there was still no sign of heart beat and doctor wanted to give up. (I later learned that this was what they learned in the medical school. For the elderly patients, half an hour is enough. For the younger patients, they would do it much longer.) Then, the patient’s relatives came in time. When doctor tried to explain the situation to them, they started to cry. They looked at the doctor and seemed to beg him for one last try. Doctor did respond to their request. He asked medical stuffs to give patient several shots and also an electrical shock. Within next twenty minutes, they found the first sign of continuous heart beat, even thought it was very faint. At that time, doctor asked the relatives to call on patient’s name. Then, slowly and gradually the heart beat started to stabilize. He was even able to response to his wife and daughter by squeezing their hands. Before I left the emergency room, the patient was not in the critical condition any more.

This experience reminded me how fragile our live could be. It is true that our advanced medical knowledge can save many people’s lives, but there are still many things that we cannot do. I remember when I asked my supervisor how many times they got to save someone’s life like that within a year, he told me, “Not a lot. It was probably less than two. If they came in dead, they were dead.”

Note: You probably wonder what I was doing while all of these were happening right in front of me. I can tell you that I was in shock. I wanted to cry when I saw the relatives of the patient start to cry. I didn't make myself very useful at that time. However, I kept praying to the God. I prayed that" Please don't let him die in front of me. Please." And, God answered my prayer!!!

Erasing your bad memory

Erasing your bad memory

It sounds like something you only find in the science fiction, right? Well, not any more. According to Journal called Scientific American MIND (2006), scientists now have a better understanding of how the memory is encoded in our brain. And, they want to apply this knowledge to do exactly the opposite-to erase the memory.

According to the article, we do not hold our memory in neurons, instead we hold our memory in the synapses which are connections between the neurons. As you learn new stuff, new synapses are formed in your brain. So as you read my blog, new synapses are forming in your brain at this moment right now! Amazing? If scientists can find a way to prevent new synapses from forming, they can prevent new memory from forming. As you may have guessed, they have to do it immediately after the event they intend to erase because new synapses are strengthened during that period.

In 2002, a small-scale experiment tested this theory were done in Harvard Medical School by Roger K. Pitman. Immediately after a traumatic experience, some patients were treated with propranolol, a drug that will help to prevent synapses from forming. As it turns out, the drug works pretty well. Three mouths after a traumatic experience, the patients who were treated with this drug are less likely to have post-traumatic stress disorder than those who were not.

Scientists are also trying to find a way to erase the existing bad memory. It is such a exciting news, right? Well, I don't know. I mean we are who we are today because of our past. If we erase a part of our memory, we won't be the same any more. Will I still be Jim if a part of my memory is erased? I really doubt it.

But for those who couldn't possibly overcome their past traumatic experience, it might be the better solution when comparing to a life-long treatment of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicines.

Note: I still remember a true story that I read many years ago. I just couldn't erase it from my memory. It is about a beautiful and smart junior high school girl whose life got totally destroyed by one of her classmate. I will refer this classmate as "B" from now on.

On one rainy day, our victim saw "B" didn't have umbrella and offered to help. "B" lied to our victim and took her to a warehouse where many gangsters were waiting. Of course, "B" told those gangsters that she would bring our victim to this warehouse beforehand and that is why those gangsters are waiting. Then, all of those gangsters raped our victim while "B" was standing by and watching. Police asked "B" why she did it, "B" said, "because our victim was not only the prettiest girl in the class, but also the smartest." In other words, B's uncontrolled jealousy drove her to do a sick and evil thing as such.

As far as I know, our victim's life just totally changed after this traumatic event. She started to have a lot of psychotic symptoms. She would curse at strangers walking on the street if they look like one of those gangsters who raped her. She couldn't study in the junior high school any more and had to drop out of school. Her parents being very supportive of her took her to other country and hoped that changing a environment would help to ease her pain, but all their efforts failed.

This is one of the most terrified and outrageous story I have ever read in Taiwan. In fact, I couldn't sleep very well on the night I first read this story. I just kept thinking about the story.

Many years has passed since I first read that story, I bumped into this article called "Erasing Your Bad Memory." The first thing I could think of was our victim. I thought to myself, "Finally, there is a hope!"

God saw it was good

My business is not to remake myself. But make the absolute best of what God made--Robert Browning.

I love this wise saying. I realize in the past, I spend so much time just to remake myself to be more like those who are smarter than me. It is such a waste of energy. I finally realize that I cannot be them, just like they can never be me.

What I have to remind myself is that whenever God creates something, "God saw that it was Good." (Genesis 1:25). He never saw it was bad.

"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16). Just image what God saw us when He created us! And, I am sure He didn't think to Himself, "oh, man, this one is bad!"

Frank

He is my favorite cat at Davis. He used to have his own guest book so when people visited him, they can write something on it. I wrote on his guest book a few time. I really enjoyed petting frank and reading his guest book at the same time. By reading his guest book, I know that there are so many people care about him and bring him food each day. I also heard the fans of Frank create a facebook account for him. However, just before I had a chance to add him as a friend on my facebook, I got the news that he is missing.

I used to see him almost everyday. I still remember the night before the each exam, I often stayed at 24 hours room until 3 am in the morning. Every time I rode my bike home and passed the Veihmeyer building, I would stop by and check on him. It is dark in the campus around that time. He looks so lonely when he is sleeping alone inside his wooden box. I would gently wake him up and pet him.

Besides being dark, Campus is also very peaceful and quiet around that time. I really enjoyed this quiet time I had after each busy day. I can just temporally forget everything that is around me. Just me and Frank!

I am going to miss him. In fact, after he was missing, I checked on his wooden box outside of Veihmeyer building more often. Every time, I went there, I just wished he would just show up and greet me. But it never happened.

I am sad that he was missing. But I considered I am very lucky to have a chance to know him personally. He is such a remarkable cat. He affected so many of his guests in so many different ways. He brought a community closer together just because of his presence. (Well, you will understand what I mean when you read his guest book or his facebook group.) He probably didn't know that so many people wrote on his guest book, saying that he makes their day. And, again, he is just a Cat.

If a cat can influence the lives of so many people, what about us-Homo Sapiens, which supposed to mean a species that think. We often don't realize that what we do have a huge impact on whoever is around us. And, yet, we call ourselves Home Sapiens. How ironic it is!
I post the picture of Frank the Veihmeyer cat below.